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03/08/2006: I get it! It's Unheard!


Does your cell phone ever say this? "You have one unheard message. The following message has not been heard. First unheard message..." This is the kind of detail of daily life that stand-up comics seize on. It's totally familiar, ridiculous, and laughable when pointed out. I recommend that you take note of these little details of life. Collect them as if you had a set at the Improv to prepare for. And look around to notice the new trends. What silly fashions are starting to show up? What are the new slang words? What do people do at the gym? What are the current topics of dissent in your workplace? What new daily-life hassles are peeving you? What's the new limited-time offering at McDonalds? What's the food allergy everyone suddenly seems to have?

These are the observations that will improve the jokes in your comedy spec scripts, because they will create jokes taken from life. Too many spec scripts seem to use jokes that have been adapted from other jokes in other scripts. Like last year's coat, they've been cut and resewn to try to look new. There is very little new comedy ground to plow in the area of white people saying "bling," for example. And there is positively no tillable land in "what part of ___ don't you understand", unless it is twisted in some very unexpected way. (What part of Burrata Frittata don't you understand?...Hmm. You MIGHT be headed for a joke. Maybe. Still smells old to me.)

Some observations were funny when they were new, but now have become overused. The idea that having a third child makes you "outnumbered"? I've heard it on several shows. First time, great. Subsequent times, not so good. Observations about sweatpants with words across the butt are a little old now. Jokes about how your parents can't set the VCR. Done. "Does this dress make me look fat?" Over. Bearded men in a dress. Not fresh. A dog that covers his eyes in embarrassment. No. Shatner has a hairpiece. We know! We know!

Friends was a show that did a really good job of finding joke areas that hadn't been worked to death. When Chandler railed against the kind of people who say "supposably," it led to Joey, alone later, tentatively checking a few sentences out loud to check if he used it. That was new and very funny. I think of it every time I hear someone say "supposably" (which is appallingly often). But I'd never heard anyone COMMENT on that word before. If the joke had been built around, say, people who say "irregardless," it would have been eleven per cent less funny.

Exactly eleven.

Lunch: A sandwich from Bay City Imports in Santa Monica. The best sandwich shop / grocery in the world. Veggies and hot pepper salad and parma proscuitto and horseradish cheddar all on a crusty italian roll. Best sandwich EVER!