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05/16/2006: They could look like footstools sometimes


You know how stuff gets put in piles around the house? Well, it does in my house. Oh, you know what they should make? Pile-cozies. Brightly-colored plastic or fabric-covered cubes, about nine-by-eleven and maybe a foot tall, that you could just slip down over piles of papers when company's coming over. Genius! I swear, that's a brilliant idea. You could make them look like art. Anyway, I just found two stray pieces of blog-related mail that got lost in a pile.

Karen in San Diego sends a great postcard, on which she expresses the wish that I be the one to take over Gilmore Girls. Well, what I can do is assure you that the amazing Rebecca Kirshner will be continuing there, and I'm all agog to see what happens next. Rebecca is remarkably smart and funny and I expect great things.

The other letter is from Brendan, writing from near-at-hand in Studio City. There's the general praise, (thank you, blush), and a good question. He's asking about how often it's all right to call an agent who is reading your material, in hopes of spurring them to read faster. The answer, of course, is a fulsome shrug. You don't want to let an opportunity dry up due to inattention, but you don't want to give an agent the impression that you'd be a pest, should he or she decide to take you on as a client. I have no idea what the right answer is. But I know who might. Befriend the assistant. This is always good anyway, because assistants become agents. Also, they are good and overworked people and they could stand to hear a friendly voice. Once the assistant is charmed, they can help you find the perfect moment to give that agent a little nudge. So make a joke, ask about their day, compliment their pleasant phone manner… if nothing else, you'll make their day easier and an angel will get its wings.

Okay, now to the jokes. I've been going around the house chuckling for a while because of a joke I heard weeks ago on House. I'll just be making lunch or something and I'll think of it and chuckle. The team has been trying to make a diagnosis, right? And there's an important new development. They all rush in together to tell House about it:

CAMERON
We've got anal bleeding.

HOUSE
What, all of you?

Oh my god. That slays me. It's fast and short and snappy. It reveals character. And it's got "anal" in it. It might be the perfect joke.

I think part of why this one tickles me so much is that it's a joke type I rarely use myself. Let's call it the Disingenuous Type. I found another example, from an episode of Friends. Joey and Chandler have just listed an advantage of being female. Rachel counters with:

RACHEL
Come on! You guys can pee standing up.

CHANDLER
We can? All right, I'm tryin' that.

This is of course, a joke for a smart-ass. Got a smart-ass in your spec? Well, this is the joke for them.

Lunch: I finally figured out what made my soymilk-yogurt-tofu shakes so awful. The yogurt and the tofu. Soymilk + banana + natural peanut butter = great!