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Looking for tips and tricks to the art of writing for television? Welcome to the blog of experienced television writer Jane Espenson. Check it out regularly to learn about spec scripts, writing dos and don'ts, and what Jane had for lunch! (RSS: )
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Home » Archives » July 2008 » A Visit to the Temple
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07/19/2008: A Visit to the Temple
Sometimes you think you're being perfectly clear, and you're not. I once wrote a line for an episode of Buffy, for the character of Xander. If I recall how it went, Xander was using whimsical phrasing to convey that he thought someone was crazy. It went something like this:
XANDER Spike may have gone to the land of the twirly hand gesture next to the temple, but he was right...
No, really. I thought it was clear. The mental image of someone using their index finger to make a swirling motion next to their forehead to signify crazy is so unambiguous that I was certain everyone would be amused by the idea of a character describing the gesture rather than making it. Ha! Hilarious. No one commented on the joke and I assumed it was golden. And then we were on stage, shooting the scene, and it suddenly became clear to me that no one had the slightest clue what I was going for.
The problem, as I'm sure you've figured out, resides mostly in the word "temple." The notion of forehead-corner just isn't the first meaning of the word that comes to mind. And "twirly hand gesture" is pretty vague as well. The sentence that seemed to me to call up a clear and familiar gesture, seemed to most other people to call to mind someone waving their arms around next to a synagogue. Which they found strange, but not so strange that they called me on it.
I think in the moment we ended up playing the incomprehensibility of the line. Xander says it, everyone stares at him and he makes the gesture -- Buffyphiles will recall if that's what ended up happening , I'm sure. It's not exactly the joke I intended, which was supposed to be swift and smooth, but it works fine. The point of the story is that moment of realization: I'd written a joke that was totally opaque, and no one pointed it out because they had no reason to even think there was a disconnect. This is why, when you ask your friends to give you notes, you have to ask them questions, not just take what they give you. "Did you get this line? What do you think it means?" -- those are valuable questions that will help you make sure you're accomplishing what you think you're accomplishing.
Lunch: clam chowder in a sourdough bread bowl. I can't resist a bread bowl. You can eat it!
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