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I love writers’ room terminology. I felt like I was part of a room for the first time when, on Dinosaurs, I said that a certain line “didn’t bump me.” Meaning that I wasn’t bothered by a potential misunderstanding or problem with the line. It was actually heady, like speaking French in France for the first time. Like, “let’s try this out and see if it really works.”

“Handle” is one of my favorite writing terms, and one of the most common. It refers to those words at the beginning of a line of dialogue. Handles include, but aren’t limited to:

Well, Look, Listen, Hey, Oh, Say, Um, Actually, So, Now, I mean, C’mon, Anyway, Yeah, You know, and the name of any character used when speaking to that character.

I hear that some show runners object to handles in general, and will cut all of them out. I heard today about an editor who did the same thing when cutting episodes. But usually, handles are freely employed, with certain limits.

The most common thing to look out for is adjacent use of the same handle. It’s not uncommon for a room filled with comedy writers to look up at the screen and realize that the last four lines of dialogue all started with “Well.” Keep an eye out for this as you write your script. Mix it up.

There is another, more subtle problem with some handles. I just had this pointed out to me today, in fact, and I think it’s so interesting, I have to tell you. Look at this exchange:

CHARACTER ONE
I think I’ve lost weight, don’t you?

CHARACTER TWO
Actually, I think you might’ve found it again.

(Remember, this is demonstration comedy, not actual comedy.)

Certain handles, like “actually” and, sometimes, “well” are used to contradict the previous line. That means that when Character Two starts the line with “actually,” the reader/audience already knows they’re about to hear a contradiction. In the example I’ve given, they know, in fact, that they’re about to hear a slam.

On some shows, you can actually hear a studio audience anticipating a slam. They hear the “actually” and start laughing.

A writer in my room pointed this out today, that “actually” anticipates the turn. He argued that leaving off the handle in this case leads to a sharper, smarter joke, since the audience doesn’t get ahead of it. I agree. Reread the lame demonstration joke without the “actually.” It’s still lame, but isn’t it –fractionally — just a little bit sharper?

Now, some of you may have a different aesthetic. It wouldn’t be crazy to argue that audiences enjoy knowing a joke is on the way. You will have to decide for yourself which kind of writer you are.

But for me, I plan to start cutting “actually.”

Lunch: a pastrami reuben sandwich. Some element of the sandwich was unusually sweet. I have to say, I did not enjoy it.

I work right now in a writers’ room with a lot of really experienced comedy writers. You better believe that I sit there with big ears, listening for comedy crumbs. Here’s what one of them said today.

“It’s all about who’s stupid and who’s lying.”

This is very possibly good advice for life in general, but what he meant was that situations are rendered comically complex by all things that can happen to obscure the clear communication of information.

Kinda stiking, isn’t it? Misunderstandings — Jack thinks Crissy’s pregnant! Deceptions – Lucy puts on a costume to sneak onstage! Someone is stupid and someone is lying. In fact, you’ll find examples in just about any comedy you care to think of. M*A*S*H? Frank Burns is stupid and Hawkeye is lying. Of course, stupidity and deception come in interesting and complex flavors. Self-delusion and pomposity is a sophisticated kind of stupidity. Crafty creativity is a fun sort of lying. Play around, in other words, with ways to keep information away from those who need it.

Interestingly, this suggests that clear communication is the enemy of comedy. Sounds about right. There was a great Kids in the Hall bit once in which two vaudeville comics attempt to do the old Abbott-and-Costello “Who’s on First” routine. But it keeps getting derailed because one of the performers keeps clarifying. “Oh! I see the source of the confusion! I’m referring to the players’ last names, you see.”

Don’t be afraid to populate your spec pilot with fools and liars. You will treasure them.

Lunch: tuna sandwich and lemon creme meringue pie

Oh my. That little LA Times piece about this blog has just borne fruit. Fruit in the shape of envelopes! So much mail has just reached me! Oof! (I collapse under the mail bag, just my little feet sticking out, one on each side.)

Some of the mail either contains ideas for television series (which I simply CANNOT read, no matter what kind of waivers you include, seriously – in fact, they don’t even get to me, having been thrown away before I receive your envelopes), or questions about how to sell such ideas for television series. These questions generally come from those of you who are in situations such that it’s not practical for you to move to Los Angeles and spend ten years establishing yourself in a writing career before you begin pitching pilot ideas. So, of course, you want to know about other avenues for turning ideas into shows.

I wish I knew of such avenues. But I don’t. There are so many working writers with ideas – we pride themselves on them – that there’s no sense of a need to seek out other sources.

I am reminded that there was, briefly, an attempt to do something like what you are looking for. There was a fairly low-profile reality show on Bravo last season called “Situation:Comedy,” that was a sort of Project Greenlight for sitcoms. Unproduced writers submitted spec pilots, and two finalists had 15-minute versions of their scripts produced. (These mini pilots were called “pilot lights”.) Unfortunately, I have heard of no plans to repeat the project, although I personally thought it was great, and I wish it would continue.

And how did I happen to be reminded of this short-lived project? Well, one of the letters I received was actually from one of the “Situation:Comedy” semi-finalists! I’m delighted to learn he’s finding the blog helpful! Here’s wishing you continued success with your career!

Maybe other projects and contests like that one will come along. We can all keep our eyes open for them. Until then… keep thinking, keep writing… what you’re doing now is very much like how I got started. It takes many hours of flight training before you become a pilot. And many hours in the writers’ room before you pitch a pilot. But both are, in the end, attainable.

Lunch: steak and potatoes.

You know what I heard the other day that I hadn’t heard in a while? People talking about a commercial they saw. With more and more of us using Tivo, and skipping the commercials, they are becoming less of a cultural touchstone. Interesting.

Tellingly, the ad these people were talking about was for a product marketed to men. Ah. That would be advertised during sports – something which is still watched live. That explains it.

Of course, there are all sorts of points that can be made about this particular loss of commonality in our culture. The point I’m choosing to make is possibly the most trivial of all these possible points. Commercials no longer are a great comedy resource.

Believe it or not, this is a sizable loss. Punchlines derived from commercial tag lines like “Two, two, two mints in one,” “He likes it! Hey, Mikey!” “Ancient Chinese secret, huh?” “Less Filling! Tastes Great!” and so on, were a huge part of my television adolescence. (For some reason, I only seem to be thinking of really old commercials… but I know I have often referenced more recent ones when writing.)

The jokes will instead become, I suppose, references to popular YouTube-type offerings (Mentos + Diet Coke, etc). So don’t despair. There’s still lots of comedy to harvest. Just observe and enjoy the little seismic shift as one of comedy’s staple resources undergoes a change. And stay on top of it, of course. If you want your readers to get that pleasant jolt of recognition… make sure you’re working with material they’ll recognize.

Lunch: chicken and vegetables. Healthy but good.

Are you all aware of the cartoon caption contest that appears in every issue of The New Yorker? It’s a pretty good way for you aspiring comedy writers to practice your punchline writing skills.

And every now and then, Bob Mankoff, the magazine’s Cartoon Editor, sends out an email to participants in which he gives more details on the entries received for a given cartoon. This is the REAL reason to enter the contest — to get those emails. I find them fascinating.

What he does is set out what he calls the the “major categories” of caption entries for a given cartoon. These are what TV writers would call “joke areas.”

In this case, the cartoon was of a pirate ship. The ship’s flag is a traditional Jolly Roger only with a happy face in the place of the skull. Think about the caption you might have submitted.

Here are the joke areas that were mined, with representative jokes for each area, as reported by Bob Mankoff. (I hope, Mr. Mankoff, that you won’t object to these being reprinted here for educational purposes.)

Jolly Roger
“Certainly it’s jolly. My concern is that it’s seen as cloying.”
“A bit TOO jolly if ye asks me!”
“Aye, matey. ‘Tis proud we are to be sailin’ under the flag of the Jolly Melvin.”

Yo Ho Ho
“Yo ho ho and a bottle of milk!!”
“Yo ho ho and a bottle of fun!”
“Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum daiquiris!”

Wal-Mart
“I wonder if Wal-Mart has good ‘burial at sea’ benefits?”
“Now that we’re with Wal-Mart, we just pillage mom-and-pop stores.”
“Avast, ye Wal-Mart shoppers.”

Flogging
“In between floggings he’s quite a cutup.”
“I don’t mind the floggings, but I wish he wouldn’t call us ‘associates.'”

Pillaging
“Then, once they heave alongside, we’re all supposed to yell: ‘Just kidding!'”
“Gone are the days of pillaging. Now all we do is tickle people.”

Mixed Messages
“I feel ambiguous.”
“He’s cruel, but fun.”
“New rule: Everybody dies happy.”

===

I find this to be about as clear a dissection of possible joke areas as I’ve ever seen. Thanks, Mr. Mankoff!

Which category did your caption fall under? Did you only think of one of the possible joke areas? Or did you jump around as you worked on it? Jumping is a good sign.

A room full of comedy writers does the same thing this email does, in a way. Someone seizes on a joke area, and then other pitches accumulate that represent the same area, and then someone else pitches a joke from a different area, and then people start piling into that area. This is one reason that comedy is written by such large groups of people — to find all the areas.

As a solo spec writer, it’s important to take the time to think of areas you haven’t found yet. Don’t just look for new ways to craft a joke around “Wal-Mart,” in other words. Instead, think of other points the joke could be making.

Lunch: onion rings and a root beer from Bob’s Big Boy

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