JaneEspenson.com

When you decided to try to launch a writing career, you were faced with the question of what to do first. Unfortunately, once that’s settled, there’s a question that can be even trickier. What to do second?

Patrick in L.A. writes in with this question, which is also relevant to Zach, whose letter I answered a while back, and I’m sure, to a lot of the rest of you. You’ve got that first spec — one for a produced show, so you can submit it to ABC/Disney. Now you’ve got to decide what to do next. Another spec for a real show? Maybe a comedy to balance out that drama, or vice versa? Or a spec pilot? Or a spec feature? Or a spec short film?

The truth is, it hardly matters. Because ultimately, you will probably end up having at least one of each of these. So all you’re really worrying about here is the order. Don’t waste time worrying about that. Just pick one and do it, and then do the other one. Specs for existing shows aren’t as valuable now as they used to be, but I still think there’s probably value in having one for a dramatic show and — perhaps, why not — for a comedy if your instincts lie in that direction. But you’re clearly going to need other material, too. So even as you’re writing that “House,” keep an active file of feature-or-pilot ideas, too. And, of course, no one is keeping you from working on two projects at once — that can be a good way to stave off writing fatigue, in fact, having a way to change gears by switching to work on the other project.

So stop sweating, Nation, about which one to write next. In the long run, the order isn’t going to matter. Except in your autobiography. (Which you should write last.)

Lunch: Doritos, doughnut, coke. I know, I know.

I have a notion, gentle readers. Let me run this past you. I am being told with ever-increasing (almost table-pounding) vehemence that specs of existing shows are no longer what you need to get staffed on shows. You need original material. Spec pilots, short film scripts, feature-length film scripts, plays, even short stories.

But, as we have discussed at length, to get into the ABC/Disney writing fellowship, one of the rare glittering unlocked doors in this town, one needs to submit a spec script for a show that’s currently in production.

Now, traditionally, there have always been only a handful of “specable” shows every year. But it seems to me that since this spec no longer needs to be something universally-acceptable that you can submit *everywhere*, since it will, it appears, probably be used only as part of this one application, perhaps we should consider throwing the doors open a little wider as we contemplate what to send to Disney.

If you’d rather write a Battlestar or a Friday Night Lights than a House, a How I Met Your Mother or a 30 Rock than a The Office, maybe it’s okay to pick something a little more off-the-beaten-track, or a little newer, like that. You’re taking the chance that the person who reads your script knows the show, so keep that in mind, but you are going to do your very best writing if it’s a show you’re passionate about. Remember that it has to be primetime, so don’t throw yourself into an “Aqua Teen Hunger Force” spec, but it might be worth taking a searching look at the primetime network and cable schedules and picking something that you think you can really cut loose and excel at even it’s not the same thing everyone else is doing.

And remember, you can only be as good as the show, so don’t aim low in the belief that you’ll impress readers by elevating a mediocre show. Impress them instead by capturing an excellent show.

Lunch: spicy hot wings with many many napkins

Eagle-eyed readers will have already noticed that the link to the ABC/Disney Writing Fellowship on this page has been updated. (Thanks to various readers who wrote in to let us know the link had gone stale.)

I was a Disney Fellow myself, and am in the business today because of this program. I cannot recommend it highly enough. It provides instruction, connections, money and lifelong friendships. Check it out, read all the new info. The most important thing, of course, is to note the (postmarked by) July 1 deadline.

Deadlines are wonderful things. By my math we’ve got approximately six weeks to get all of your specs ready to submit. So let’s get started!

First off, it occurs to me that some of you may be under the impression that you need to submit something family-friendly because of the “Disney” name. Not at all. Submit your strongest material, and if it’s a show with sex and swears and smokin’, leave it all in. As always, your highest goal is to sound like the actual show.

And remember, no spec pilots for this application. You have to write a spec for a show “currently being produced.” By the way, I have no idea if they would consider, say, a “Sopranos” as falling into this category or not. The show has had its wrap party, so I’m guessing, to be safe, no “Sopranos.” If there are other shows that seem to be flirting with the edges of the definition, I’d say play it conservatively and give them something that’s clearly inside their rules. You don’t want to be out of the game before it starts.

Six weeks is enough time to get a spec ready to submit, even if you have nothing on the page right now. Pick a show, get those produced scripts and start breakin’ ’em down. Find that definitive structure for an episode of your show and then start brainstorming premises. Really consider what you want the episode to be about. Make it something that strikes right at the emotional core of the main character. You can accomplish all this in the first week, and if you do, it will be a week very well spent.

Go!

Lunch: “Cincinnati Chili” from the Universal Cafeteria. They must’ve put about a half-pound of jalapenos in my serving. Very nice.

ADDENDUM: In addition to there being no bias toward “family friendly” material, you should also note that there’s no bias toward ABC material. Please don’t feel there’s any advantage toward picking an ABC show.

Well, as long as I’ve got my snout in the mailbag, let’s root around and see what else is in there, shall we, gentle readers? Ah… a very good letter from Zach in L.A. who is finding himself frustrated with looking for comedy writing work.

The interesting thing here is that Zach has done everything right — he’s moved to L.A., worked as a gofer in writing rooms; he has several polished specs and other material, has met and impressed established comedy writers… those are all great ingredients. But, as most established comedy writers are themselves out of work right now, he’s finding it hard to get a foothold.

He asks, Should I take four months to write a feature-length? Should I do more “alternative media” stuff? […] Do I bite my cheek and do stand-up?

Well, Zach in L.A., those are all good things to do — the feature in particular would be good to have anyway — but I also have another idea. You mention in your letter that your two specs for existing shows are “The Office” and “American Dad.” Why not supplement those with a “Desperate Housewives,” or, even better, an “Ugly Betty”?

Half-hour comedy is a bit of a hiring wasteland right now. There simply aren’t enough shows to support all the experienced writers, so it’s very difficult for new writers to get in. And while television drama writing isn’t an easy gig to get, it’s substantially easier than comedy. And, in writing a spec for a show like “Betty,” you still get to use your comedy skills. In fact, you get to use them every bit as much. A comically-inclined hour-long spec pilot is also something you could try.

Hang in there, Zach. Luck is opportunity plus preparation plus luck. (I made that up and I think it’s fantastic. Feel free to borrow it.) Keep writing, keep polishing the specs you already have, keep adding new ones, keep making those connections… just keep on doing more of what you’ve been doing. I can’t guarantee that you will get hired, but you’ve got a better shot than all the people who haven’t done what you’ve done.

Lunch: My favorite “Johnny Rockets” burger place is now called “Beverly Hills Diner.” Quite a shock. But they served me a fine Jalapeno Burger and a chocolate coke, so it’s all good.

Eddie in San Mateo writes in with two really good questions. First, he’s wondering why I referred to him as “Erik from San Mateo” when I addressed a previous question of his. Oops. Sorry, Eddie.

His second question has to do with politically incorrect humor:

Does this brand of humor satirize stereotypes and prejudices or promote them? If a joke is funny, does it matter whether it’s offensive or not? Should aspiring writers attempt to replicate this humor in their spec scripts at the risk of stepping into a minefield?

This is a really interesting area. I myself am not a huge fan of comedy that sets out to amuse us by shocking us. The humor, generally, is supposed to come from a jolt of recognition, a sort of “Hey, we’re not supposed to say that, but ain’t it the truth” kind of thing. Personally, I think this is pretty dangerous stuff, since it’s clearly promoting stereotypes or at the very least reinforcing cultural barriers. You might get a laugh, but it’s got a mean edge to it.

Of course, there are other types of politically incorrect humor. On The Office, Michael can say something absolutely appalling, and the purpose of the line is to reflect badly on him. I’ve got no problem with that.

And, of course, there’s the strange forcefield that surrounds offensive jokes made by members of traditionally oppressed groups. This might seem like a simple rule, but it becomes really complex when the character is a member of such a group, but the writer giving voice to that character is not.

I guess the key is in Eddie’s middle question, “If a joke is funny, does it matter whether it’s offensive or not?” It seems to me that if a joke offends me, I’m never going to find it funny. This is the risk you take with material like this — if you misstep, you don’t just have an unamused reader, but a pissed-off one.

If you’re writing a spec for an established show, you can, as always, use the produced episodes as examples. They should give you a good idea where the line is for that particular show. Veronica Mars, for example, draws the line in a very different place than, say, Family Guy, which has no line at all. You generally can’t go wrong doing what the show already does.

But if you’re writing a spec pilot or are otherwise in uncharted territory, I would tread very lightly. And not only for moral reasons, either. I believe that a lot of writers of specs try to use shock value to make their spec stand out. This backfires when others have the same idea. Your ultraspicy (and potentially offensive) chicken wings don’t stand out at the potluck when the neighbors brought the same thing.

Lunch: Indian food with tortillas. See? Cultures can collide in a delicious way.

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