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Periodically, I talk about “clams,” overused jokes that should be excised from your writing. I’m talking about (singsong) “Awkward!” and its sweaty companions “That went well” and “I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you,” and so forth.

There’s a related phenomenon that has bugged me for a long time, but that I haven’t commented on before. These aren’t overused jokes, exactly, but overused timing devices that get built into jokes. Look at this line, which might well occur in a sitcom spec script:

She was, how shall I put this, a well-rounded applicant.

Believe it or not, the thing that bugs me here isn’t the punishing use of “well-rounded.” I’m numb to that. What bothers me is the “how shall I put this.” That little phrase is there to time the joke, to delay the punch so it lands harder. It drumrolls the joke instead of throwing it away. Since this little phrase is never used (at least never in comedy scripts) by a character genuinely searching for the right word without a comedic payoff, it always feels like a self-conscious request for a laugh. No! Don’t beg!

Other examples, identical in intent, include “what’s the word I’m looking for,” which seems to me even more blatant, and “how you say,” which is reserved for characters with thick foreign accents. Oh my.

A similar device, used more by pundits than sitcom writers, is to claim “pun not intended” immediately before or after cracking a pun, thereby calling attention to it. I’ve got nothing against a clever pun, but I think they’re best dealt smoothly from your hand and placed softly on the table without fanfare.

Lunch: Ribs USA. Have I told you about their French fries drenched in hot-wings sauce? Go there at once.

Another action-packed day on the picket line today, Gentle Readers. I was at my new default location, Fox, which was also home to the SAG/WGA Unity picket today. What a mob scene! Speeches! Writers! Dogs! Wind! Batemans!

The wind was fierce, snapping Joss Whedon’s picket stick and sending the sign whipping backwards where it narrowly missed taking out 20 plus or minus 5 percent of the staff of Numb3rs.

I had a long and interesting conversation about comedy with another former colleague. We talked a bit about the comedy gold that comes with smart people acting stupid. Thinking about it later, it seems to me that the key concept might be “pettiness.” The whole idea of focusing on something small, especially in the face of larger problems, is funny and identifiable. It’s hard to find a comedic supporting character of the Frank Burns or Ted Baxter variety who isn’t petty. But often the best moments of comedic leads, who have to be more likable, come from this same trait, as well. Frasier’s need to appear sophisticated, Jamie’s desire to be liked by her neighbors on Mad About You, Jerry’s every move on Seinfeld… they came out of a highly focused need that from the outside appears petty. It’s not an alienating quality like jealousy or meanness. It’s highly identifiable and the nature of what prompts the pettiness tells the audience huge amounts about the character.

If you’re struggling with a comedy script because you’re having a hard time making a central character both flawed and likable, ask yourself the question, “What would make this character act petty?” It’s a variant on “What do they want?” that could put you on a humorous path.

If you want more comedy advice, I’ve got the place for you. I hear that “Teaching Thursday” over on the Warner Brothers’ picket line is a huge success so far. Here’s an update from the organizers:

For our second Teaching Thursday hilarity will ensue! It’s MULTI-CAMERA COMEDY DAY! Not sure how to write for geeks when you’re tragically hip? The cool kids from “The Big Bang Theory” have answers! Want to know how to get your own personal studio audience? Writers from “The War At Home” know! And remember: If it rains on our heads, it’s tragic. If it rains on yours, it’s comedy gold!

MULTI-CAMERA COMEDY DAY: Thursday January 31st, 9 AM-12 PM, Warner Bros Gate 2.

I won’t be there for this event, although I plan to join in when and if they conduct a “light drama” or “vampire slaying” or “spaceship” day.

Lunch: sushi at Echigo again. Warrrrm rice.

Want another way into the business? I now know of two playwrights who were — get this — invited into television.

One of them was a colleague of mine from the ABC/Disney writers’ program, and the other was a young woman whom I met the other day on the picket line. Both of them were young playwrights recruited into television without them reaching out for it — someone with television connections attended a play and then things happened.

I don’t think this happens a lot, but it is certainly illustrative of a larger truth — if you want to write, go out and write. Write spec scripts for contests, look for writers’ assistant jobs, absolutely, but if you can also establish yourself as a respected writer of plays, short stories, novels, non-fiction books, essays, reviews, recaps, comedy pieces, columns, profiles or as a journalist, you will doing yourself a tremendous favor when it comes to making an impression in Hollywood. You probably won’t get recruited, as my two examples were, but then again, it’s certainly more likely than if you’re not out establishing yourself as some kind of a writer!

Lunch: quesadillas

So, I was discussing the idea of an analytical approach to comedy with a writer on the line the other day and he directed me to this profile of George Meyer from The New Yorker in 2000. It’s a look at a writer for The Simpsons with an approach to comedy that is fascinatingly analytical. Look for the bit where he talks about jokes “skipping a step.” It’s kind of revelatory.

I know I’m going to be thinking about that insight for a long time and trying to apply it to my favorite tv lines.

If anyone has ever made you feel bad about approaching humor analytically, this piece will make you feel better. Heck, I dare say it’ll make you feel funny.

In strike news, the fine writers at Gate 2 at Warner Bros. have come up with an interesting idea, and I’ve been asked to help spread the word. The concept is “Teaching Thursdays,” in which writers of various genres join the line on Thursdays, making themselves available to discuss story, structure and everything in between to aspiring writers if the aspirings would be willing to come out and pick up a sign. I’ll let the organizer explain:

For our inaugural Teaching Thursday we thought the best way to kick it off would be with blood, guts and glory! Yes, it’s MEDICAL DRAMA DAY! We will have writers from hit medical shows at your bidding! Not sure how to structure HOUSE? They’ll have answers! Not sure what story has NOT been done on ER? One of their writers will probably know! Not sure where your patella is? Look it up or ask a GREY’S or PRIVATE PRACTICE writer…

See you there!

Sounds like a great idea to me.

Lunch: left-over Persian food mixed with some leftover sloppy-joe meat. Not bad!

I am going to be taking a holiday break. For the first time I can remember, I don’t have a beat sheet, outline, script or revision to work on over the break, so I’m not taking my computer with me. This means that I will probably not be posting at all until 2008.

But if you’re an aspiring writer, not yet in the Guild, and you’re working on spec scripts to submit to fellowships or competitions, you CAN take your computer wherever you’re going (or staying). Holiday time can be an excellent chance to write your specs. The Star Trek: TNG script that opened the Hollywood door for me was written over a winter break. Maybe that’ll be the charm for you, too!

See you in the New Year!

ADDENDUM: Have you checked out Cash For The Crew? It’s a fantastic cause. Go look!

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