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Isn’t it lovely when all the elements of a story click neatly into place? It is — unless it’s too neat. A classic example of this is the murder suspect who gives one superfluous piece information while giving their alibi, and it turns out to be the one piece of information that the detectives need to puncture the alibi.

All you need to do is make it a little less neat. I saw a good example of this on a syndicated episode of Law and Order: Criminal Intent that I watched yesterday. The guy gave the one superfluous piece of info — mentioning something about a boxer “puking” during a boxing match he watched on television. The detectives wondered if that particular highlight would really have been shown on TV. But when they looked into it, that wasn’t actually exactly what punctured the alibi — when they checked out the match, they discovered that it was actually an undercard that hadn’t been broadcast at all. Now, you can quibble with whether or not this was a smart alibi, but I really like the fact that there was a ragged, imperfect match between the detectives’ suspicions and what they actually found. It feels realer, more like life.

So, especially if you’re writing a script with procedural elements, look at where the puzzle pieces fit together and consider roughing up the seams.

STRIKE INFO: This Wednesday is SCI FI CHANNEL DAY FOR FANS & WRITERS: Jaime Paglia, co-creator of “Eureka” is inviting fans to join the writers, producers and cast members from Sci Fi Channel’s BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, EUREKA, FLASH GORDON, PAINKILLER JANE, and others for a rally at NBC Studios. 12 noon – 2 pm at NBC STUDIOS, 3000 W. Alameda Ave, Burbank, CA. I will be there and I believe lots of the rest of the BSG staff will be as well!

Lunch: In ‘n’ Out burger and a Dr. Pepper

I will be up at NBC Burbank tomorrow (mid-)morning, picketing my little heart out. If it’s true that we’re wrapping this thing up, this may be one of your last chances to see TV writers on the hoof! If we’re not wrapping this thing up, well then, we could use your support. Come on out and heft a sign and say ‘hi’!

In looking over my last post, I think I should point out that the examples I cited aren’t only used to delay the arrival of a pun. They’re also generally part of a joke in themselves, in which a character, searching for a polite way to say something, comes up with the most impolite way possible. It usually looks like this:

He was — how can I put this delicately? — a rat-bastard.

Again, I object on the grounds that the joke is painfully familiar and hopelessly telegraphed. Once you hit the word “delicately,” you know what the joke is. The only possible pay-off that’ll surprise the reader/audience is the particular choice of epithet that’s coming along next. And they’re still going to wince at the utter clamminess of the set-up.

That doesn’t mean that you can’t mine this joke area. The idea of someone trying to find an inoffensive word and failing has some humor potential. Just put in the extra effort and see if you can find another way to get there. For example, maybe you could have your character, realizing they’re in mixed company, suppress the word they’re looking for, then scream “rat-bastard!” half-way through the next page in the middle of someone else’s heartfelt line. Same joke area, much bigger pay-off.

There’s a good general lesson there, of course. Don’t throw the chowder out with the clams. Often the general idea of a joke is good, even if the execution of one particular take on that idea has gone bad.

Lunch: cheese and crackers with real-sugar Coke, not corn-syrup Coke. It’s imported from Mexico. You can find it if you know where to look.

Periodically, I talk about “clams,” overused jokes that should be excised from your writing. I’m talking about (singsong) “Awkward!” and its sweaty companions “That went well” and “I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you,” and so forth.

There’s a related phenomenon that has bugged me for a long time, but that I haven’t commented on before. These aren’t overused jokes, exactly, but overused timing devices that get built into jokes. Look at this line, which might well occur in a sitcom spec script:

She was, how shall I put this, a well-rounded applicant.

Believe it or not, the thing that bugs me here isn’t the punishing use of “well-rounded.” I’m numb to that. What bothers me is the “how shall I put this.” That little phrase is there to time the joke, to delay the punch so it lands harder. It drumrolls the joke instead of throwing it away. Since this little phrase is never used (at least never in comedy scripts) by a character genuinely searching for the right word without a comedic payoff, it always feels like a self-conscious request for a laugh. No! Don’t beg!

Other examples, identical in intent, include “what’s the word I’m looking for,” which seems to me even more blatant, and “how you say,” which is reserved for characters with thick foreign accents. Oh my.

A similar device, used more by pundits than sitcom writers, is to claim “pun not intended” immediately before or after cracking a pun, thereby calling attention to it. I’ve got nothing against a clever pun, but I think they’re best dealt smoothly from your hand and placed softly on the table without fanfare.

Lunch: Ribs USA. Have I told you about their French fries drenched in hot-wings sauce? Go there at once.

Another action-packed day on the picket line today, Gentle Readers. I was at my new default location, Fox, which was also home to the SAG/WGA Unity picket today. What a mob scene! Speeches! Writers! Dogs! Wind! Batemans!

The wind was fierce, snapping Joss Whedon’s picket stick and sending the sign whipping backwards where it narrowly missed taking out 20 plus or minus 5 percent of the staff of Numb3rs.

I had a long and interesting conversation about comedy with another former colleague. We talked a bit about the comedy gold that comes with smart people acting stupid. Thinking about it later, it seems to me that the key concept might be “pettiness.” The whole idea of focusing on something small, especially in the face of larger problems, is funny and identifiable. It’s hard to find a comedic supporting character of the Frank Burns or Ted Baxter variety who isn’t petty. But often the best moments of comedic leads, who have to be more likable, come from this same trait, as well. Frasier’s need to appear sophisticated, Jamie’s desire to be liked by her neighbors on Mad About You, Jerry’s every move on Seinfeld… they came out of a highly focused need that from the outside appears petty. It’s not an alienating quality like jealousy or meanness. It’s highly identifiable and the nature of what prompts the pettiness tells the audience huge amounts about the character.

If you’re struggling with a comedy script because you’re having a hard time making a central character both flawed and likable, ask yourself the question, “What would make this character act petty?” It’s a variant on “What do they want?” that could put you on a humorous path.

If you want more comedy advice, I’ve got the place for you. I hear that “Teaching Thursday” over on the Warner Brothers’ picket line is a huge success so far. Here’s an update from the organizers:

For our second Teaching Thursday hilarity will ensue! It’s MULTI-CAMERA COMEDY DAY! Not sure how to write for geeks when you’re tragically hip? The cool kids from “The Big Bang Theory” have answers! Want to know how to get your own personal studio audience? Writers from “The War At Home” know! And remember: If it rains on our heads, it’s tragic. If it rains on yours, it’s comedy gold!

MULTI-CAMERA COMEDY DAY: Thursday January 31st, 9 AM-12 PM, Warner Bros Gate 2.

I won’t be there for this event, although I plan to join in when and if they conduct a “light drama” or “vampire slaying” or “spaceship” day.

Lunch: sushi at Echigo again. Warrrrm rice.

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